


Lewis’ Random Jottings

by asparagusmama



Series: The Dead of Winter pieces [2]
Category: Lewis - Fandom
Genre: Episode Related, M/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-09
Updated: 2011-06-09
Packaged: 2017-10-20 06:49:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/209916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asparagusmama/pseuds/asparagusmama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place in the last section of The Dead Of Winter. Lewis, random jottings from his notepad to clarify his thoughts on the investigation reveal surprising things he hadn’t realised he’d noticed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lewis’ Random Jottings

**Author's Note:**

> An hour before Hooper disturbs Lewis with the redirected text to Hathaway’s phone Lewis starts to make random jottings in his notepad, a way he’s always used to clarify his thought process in an investigation. However, he gets a little sidetracked. Or does he?
> 
> Lewis and Hathaway belong to ITV.
> 
> Oxford is owned by the University Colleges, The Crown, The Church of England, Oxford City Council and Oxfordshire County Council, the later who should be lined up against a wall, or even better, all magically transported into a pain ridden disabled body left caring for an autistic child and see how they cope with their savage cuts to care, support, school and charity funding....

Love letters supposedly from Linda Graham to Dr. Black? Dated over years and months yet torn consecutively from one notepad, all written with the same pen, the same ink, handwriting never varying in quality or consistency?

Hathaway?

What to do about Hathaway?

Do I want him to go? Don’t want to go through all the palaver of getting another sergeant housetrained, I told Hobson.

True.

She saw through me. Not just true. Don’t want to lose him. James. Tell him how I feel, advices Hobson. No easy, when I’m not sure, really.

What do I know about James Hathaway? Why is he behaving so out of character?

The Summerhouse at Crevecoeur was full of pictures of children. I recognised Briony many times over. One of Hopkiss, about ten, with a tall, skinny, blond lad about the same age. Platinum curls. Blue eyes. Embarrassed, crooked, awkward smile. Long face. Same blond boy, various ages, in many photos. Late eighties, early nineties?

Hathaway’s father was estate manager. Then the Grahams' house was his house, where he grew up. Was born, even? Must have been harsh for the lad. So private. He could have said.

Briony so circumspect, awkward over Mortmaigne’s ‘kindness’. Self harming? The girl’s cutting herself.

Scars. Scars, old scars, on James’ wrists. Seen then before, and ignored them.

What do I know about James?

1/ Theology degree from Cambridge.  
2/ Was training to be a priest.  
3/ Left – I have no idea why.  
4/ Catholic. Still devout? Probably. Attends mass? Don’t know.  
5/ Music? Plays the guitar. Beautifully.  
6/ Music? Plays in a band. Weird music. Christian band. But good.  
7/ Music? Can he play the piano too?

Long fingers, on the piano keys in that Summerhouse, Mortmaigne, leaning over, ancient hands in young, blond curls...

Can’t get that thought out of my head. It sickens me. What else do I know?

8/ No friendships at work (except me?)  
9/ If he does banter and chill out with colleagues, they’re female. Interesting, considering the all male schooling and seminary. Got on with Innocent, but I seem to have scuppered that.  
10/ Teased at work, especially by Hooper and Davies, but others too (call a spade and spade – he’s bullied). The butt of jokes, practical jokes too.  
11/ Loose friendships with the guys in his band. Other members all much older. All married. All churchy.  
12/ Other friendships? None I know of.

Jonjo, maybe? Other men from the Phoenix killing investigation?

All gay?

Is he?

Never answered.

None of my business. Not straightforward and simple, he implied (I think, but all the babbling about Yorkies and musicals never made any sense – besides, he has a shelf full of Musicals on DVD and plenty of shoes, practically a pair for every day of the week, along with some very, very nice suits - what was he implying?).

Bisexual maybe?

Fiona McKendrick? Not happy with her. Only agreed to go back and see her when I paid him!!! Like a callboy, maybe?

Callboy? Paid?

Expensive public school? His lordship? Nice of him? Or not?

James’ father Estate Manager? His mother working up at the house, maybe? Long hours. Cripplingly low wages. Your boss also your landlord.

Left when he was eleven or twelve but stayed at posh school. Scholarship? Or paid for as services rendered? Buying his parents’ silence?

But he is bright. Very bright. Scholarship, then. Hell, he’s a damn good detective. Notices things. An eye for all kinds of details most people would miss. I miss. But doesn’t seem to notice, or rather, understand feelings much, emotions, especially sexual emotions, which comes into motive a hell of a lot.

But he’s not insensitive. Not blind to feelings. Can be very sensitive, especially to the bereaved, the vulnerable, to victims. Inexperienced then? Naive. Young. Younger than his years. But with old eyes. Old, old, unhappy eyes.

Young. Naive. Confused about his sexuality. Too old. Unhappy.

Those photos of him in the Summerhouse.

No.

Could it be?

Does he remember? I’ve read enough, been on enough courses, to know memories can be suppressed, especially earlier childhood trauma of abuse. Trauma of early childhood sexual abuse.

Oh God. Moved when he was eleven or twelve. Briony said six. Taken to the Summerhouse for ‘lessons’ at six.

I have no evidence.

Do I want James to quit?

What are his strengths?

1/ Bloody good detective.  
2/ Makes me perfect tea.  
3/ Ditto coffee.  
4/ Always knows what to buy for my lunch.  
5/ Makes me laugh.  
6/ Easy company, even when he’s being awkward.  
7/ Never complains when I’m a grumbly old arse.  
8/ Never complains when I shout at him, or shouts back (except once).  
9/ Never complained when I slapped him. Never mentioned it. And that could have become tricky.  
10/ He’s quiet. And thoughtful. Private?  
11/ Brilliant cook. Can dig stuff out of my fridge like magic and cook me a decent meal.

Not sure if that’s a strength in a sergeant though.

12/ He’s clever.  
13/ Bright.  
14/ Tall.

Leggy.

All legs.

Blond.

Beautiful blond curls to run your fingers through now he’s grown it a bit.

I can’t believe I just wrote that! Not a strength you want in your sergeant, surely?

Weaknesses?

1/ Naive.  
2/ Young.  
3/ Can be annoying.  
4/ Too clever by half.

No, not clever in that patronizing way of Morse.

Or Val. Be honest. I loved her to bits, but when she got into a new subject and left me behind she could be a bit cruel. James isn’t cruel. Or arrogant.

5/ He lies.

Like breathing. To hide things. To confuse, throw you off track. To get attention?

He lies like a child.

6/ He’s needy.

He can be needy. He looks at me when he thinks I don’t notice, with needy eyes. Devoted eyes. If I lean over him when he’s at a video, computer, laptop, whatever, he’ll lean his head back into my chest if he thinks he can get away with it. He’ll sit too close to me on the sofa. He’ll press his leg to mine if he thinks I won’t notice, if he thinks he’ll get away with it.

Is this a weakness? An annoyance?

No. He’s sweet on me. I’ve been a blind and stupid old fool.

Is that a weakness?

Don’t know. I have authority over him. I’m twice his age!

Oh God. James. Mortmaigne had authority over him, over his parents. Is three times his age.

Is James gay or just seriously confused?

Must confess I was surprised at Sergeant – Inspector, now – McKendrick and him. Never mind James, I always thought Fiona was a lesbian. There was gossip about her and Innocent! Using James as a cover? Mutual, maybe? What’s the word? Beards! That’s it.

Seen James look at men, really *look* at men. Never women. Not like that. Usually older. Quite often broad, muscled, well toned. Rougher. Tougher. Dangerous, maybe? James likes his men to be *men*. Is that a sexist thing to write? Think? Or do I mean homophobic? Maybe, just old fashioned? What do I know?

Any other weaknesses?

He’s vain. The boy wears make-up. He thinks I can’t tell. Far more than Val ever did – she went for a bit of lippy and powder if we went out, but that was it. Too busy, I supposed, what with the kids and work, the translating, the voluntary work, the church and what have you. James is like that advert back in the day – perfect, flawless skin or make-up? It’s make-up. Definitely.

And he’s started to smell nice. Familiar. Hell! It’s Mystic Noir!

Vanity or desperation?

The boy’s in love with me!!!

I should get him transferred. If he comes back. Immediately.

Won’t do that. Want him around. We fit. Like Morse and me.

No. Like Val and me.

Hell! I need a drink!

*

Back again. Needed that. Must focus.

Crevecoeur: someone faked those love letters, I’m sure of that; I’ll stake my reputation on it. I need another look, but I don’t think I’ll change my mind.

Black looking for treasure? A threat to someone, maybe?

If Graham didn’t commit suicide, why was he killed?

Briony being abused by Mortmaigne? If it was my Lyn I’d probably come close to killing the bastard myself, and I’m a cop.

Or Mark.

Oh God. James. The Summerhouse. Dozens of pictures of kids, going back decades. Lessons in the Summerhouse? Lessons in what? Not just the bloody piano, that’s for certain.

Briony? Poor girl. Can’t ask her direct, must wait and hope. If I ask her any defence lawyer will pull it apart in court as ‘leading, suggestive questioning of a minor’.

Hopkiss? Probably. But his way of dealing with it seems to have rationalized it away into some kind of belonging to ‘the family’. He’s weird. Seriously weird. Creepy. The kind of man you can see when you read male victims of sexual abuse run the risk of becoming abusers.

Or murderers? I have no evidence for that. Why would he? What would the motive be?

Protection of ‘the family’? Of secrets? What was Black going to dig up as well as treasure?

James? Oh God, James. Poor boy. I can’t ask him, it would kill him. Kill us. If there is an ‘us’? I’d like there to be an ‘us’, I think.

More than friends?

Yes. Us. Me and James. James and me.

How old am I?

I need to focus. I swear those letters are fake. Innocent is getting sloppy not to notice, politics and finances overriding her detective abilities. But why has James not noticed? Because he just wants away from Crevecoeur at any cost. If he was thinking straight he’d have pointed out they were too consistent straight off and I would pretend not to have noticed.

I need to look at those letters again.

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies to Dr. Watson (and Arthur Conan Doyle) and his list making in ‘A Study In Scarlet’.


End file.
